Genshin Impact: My roommate and I became funny Hilichurls

Page 26

Gu Qian's Thunder King mask was tilted to one side.

"Am I King Leidou?"

He looked down at his large, dangling feet.

"Qingyu, aren't you the Windwalker Ranger?"

"Is now the time to think about this?!"

Zhang Chu's thunder hammer smashed a wooden crate blocking his path.

"Erkang, what the hell did you write in your edict?!"

Erkang's mask suddenly transformed into a tearful cat's head: "I wanted to tease Qiqi..."

His voice grew quieter.

"As a result, the edict was written as 'Hicruls are coconut milk, and coconut milk must be split open with a sword to be drunk'..."

"Erkang! Did your brain get frozen by an ice slime?! ×3"

The three men's roars startled all the sparrows in the street into flight.

Qiqi's pursuit speed suddenly increased by 200%, and the phantom of a frost dragon condensed on the blade of her sword: "Coconut Milk... Slash!"

"Help me—!"

The four-person group rushed towards Bubulu in a panic, knocking Baizhu, who was drying herbs, into a pile of ginseng.

Changsheng was so frightened that he tied a Chinese knot: "Oh my god! Zombies are killing people!"

On the roof of the distant Hall of Rebirth, the ninth teacup in Zhongli's hand finally escaped disaster—because he had already gotten used to it.

Hu Tao excitedly held up the camera: "We have a new service! 'Zombie Crisis Escape Experience,' group purchase of four people enjoys a rock-bottom price!"

"Wait for me—!"

Little Ruo Tuo ran wildly behind with his short legs, turning his dragon tail into a propeller.

As the distance between them grew ever wider, she suddenly narrowed her dragon eyes, and with a burst of energy, leaped into the air—

Gu Qian's mask twisted instantly: "My kidneys!!"

Little Ruotuo accurately struck his lower back, his two little tiger teeth still biting his belt buckle.

Qingyu's arm muscles suddenly bulged with veins: "Holy crap, how come I'm twenty times heavier—"

Before the words were even finished, the four of them crashed into the ground with a "thud," as if struck by a celestial star from the Rock King, carving a five-meter-long trench in the stone road.

"Erkang, you need to lose weight!"

Zhang Chu's mask was scraped so hard by the ground that sparks flew everywhere.

"Bullshit! It's clearly Gu Qian... Wait a minute!"

Er Kang suddenly noticed that Gu Qian had a new pendant on his back.

"Little ancestor, when did you arrive?!"

Before anyone could react, Qiqi, unable to stop herself, crashed headlong into the frost storm—

"Pfft! x5"

The extreme cold of ice elements erupted instantly, turning the entire street into an ice rink.

The six-person human pyramid slid into a roadside construction pit with a "whoosh," with a sign at the entrance that read "Underground Maintenance, No Unauthorized Entry."

"Bang! Crackling! Boom—!"

A sickeningly loud crashing sound came from the pit.

First, Zhang Chu's thunder hammer flew out and stuck in the road sign, then Er Kang's scythe (still spraying water), and then Xiao Ruotuo's bow hairpin (pierced through the sign)...

The most outrageous thing is that various pieces of furniture kept flying out of the pit:

An eight-immortal table with teeth marks.

Three armchairs that are freezing over

An electric fan that can rotate on its own

There was even a steaming hot pot!

Xingqiu, who was passing by, stared in disbelief: "This...this is the inn they emptied out?"

Chongyun silently took out his compass: "Are you sure this isn't the work of demons?"

Suddenly, Er Kang's voice, distorted, came from inside the pit: "Wait! Qi Qi, don't—"

A streak of icy blue sword energy shot into the sky, blasting the crater into an open-air hot spring.

Six ice sculptures are frozen in the center of the spring in a human pyramid posture, with Qingyu at the bottom still holding up the middle finger.

"..."

The entire street fell into dead silence.

Three seconds later, the ice sculpture cracked open.

Little Ruotuo was the first to jump out, a frozen sparrow still perched on his head: "Fun! Let's do it again!"

Bai Shu's voice drifted faintly from the ruins: "My Bubulu renovation fund..."

Above the Jade Pavilion, Ningguang and the others, looking at the devastation in Liyue Harbor, were speechless.

------

"Phew... It's finally over..."

Four Hilichurls lay sprawled on the stone slabs of Jade Capital Terrace in a "T" shape, their masks askew and their cloaks tattered.

Behind them was a street that had been a mess just five minutes ago, but was now completely transformed.

Qingyu used wind-element polished floor tiles that were so shiny they could reflect the color of shimmering underwear.

Zhang Chu's assembled automatic repair device is carving decorations on the gate of Bubulu.

Erkang summoned water elementals that washed every tile until it shone brightly;

Gu Qian then demolished those buildings that were completely ruined.

Zhongli, holding the sleeping baby Ruotuo, stood in the shadows, his amber earrings glowing faintly.

Although Wendy had warned in a letter that "those four rascals would overturn the laws of physics in Teyvat," the retired god still crushed the tenth teacup when he saw Tartaglia, frozen into an ice sculpture by Seven Seven, embedded in the city wall, and then "sizzled" off by them using a thunder hammer as a branding iron.

"Tons, tons, tons~"

Qiqi, whose decree had been lifted, happily drank coconut milk, her little feet dangling in the air.

She had no idea what miracles her zombie instincts had just created—such as carving a diagram of "One Hundred Ways to Drink Coconut Milk" on the outer wall of the Golden House with an ice sword.

"291, 292..."

D'Artagnan was doing push-ups like crazy in the square, and the ground cracked open with each push-up.

This Winter Warrior still can't understand why he was knocked out of Liyue Harbor by a little zombie carrying a coconut milk.

Keqing said listlessly, "How many more days do you think the people of Liyue Harbor can hold out?"

She pointed into the distance—a certain Chiiwa Army soldier was teaching new recruits "Thirty-six ways to escape when encountering a crazed Knight of Honor".

Ningguang's hairpin tilted to one side.

She glanced silently at the passing travelers, her eyes conveying the message, "Take these four menaces away quickly."

Ying, who was gnawing on a piece of Mora meat, suddenly choked.

She followed Ningguang's gaze and saw that four Hilichurls had somehow formed a human ladder and were stealing the glass lilies from the Jade Palace Terrace; Paimon had already taken out his camera to take pictures; and Little Ruoduo's snot bubble refracted rainbow colors in the sunlight.

"Have they caused trouble again?"

Ying asked timidly.

The four Liyue executives simultaneously wore tired but polite smiles.

A bill slipped from Ningguang's sleeve: "Summary of Today's Losses," with the words "It is recommended to hire the Traveler as the Honorary Knight's Guardian" written in vermilion at the bottom.

"Okay, we did cause trouble."

Ying nodded resignedly.

Then she suddenly realized that half of her Mora flesh was gone—Erkang's mask was suspiciously bulging, making a "smacking" sound.

A long, drawn-out sigh drifted from afar, accompanied by the latest advertising slogan for the Rebirth Hall:

[Second monument half price, group purchase of four people enjoys a "soul-shattering" discount]

Chapter 27 The Technological Crisis of the Immortals

Before I knew it, another day had passed.

On this very day, Liyue Harbor welcomed an extraordinary and important figure.

Liu Yun, borrowing the wind from Zhenjun's wings, stirred up a gentle breeze on Yujing Terrace. She gracefully folded her wings and looked at the rising steam from the hot pot in the distance: "Gan Yu, those four are the ones who have been turning Liyue upside down lately..."

Before the words were even finished, the hot pot belonging to the four of them suddenly burst into flames that reached a height of ten feet.

Qingyu immediately grabbed a fire extinguisher, while Erkang was fanning himself frantically with a folding stool.

Paimon was spinning in the air from the spiciness, constantly breathing fire. Ying took out a water bottle and quickly fed Paimon water during the intervals between breathing fire.

"It was them..."

Gan Yu's unicorn horn glowed faintly as she held a steaming cup of coffee in her hands.

"Although it caused a bit of a commotion, it did resolve a lot of trouble..."

Liu Yun Jie Feng Zhenjun's crane eyes suddenly widened—she stared at the "iron box" that could produce hot water on its own, her feathered crest standing on end: "This thing doesn't even need immortal power to operate?"

"Would you like to give it a try, Master?"

Gan Yu lightly touched the button, and the machine immediately emitted a pleasant "gurgling" sound.

A robotic arm extends from it and hands out a cup of coffee.

"They call this a 'fully automatic coffee machine'..."