The days of being a spiritual mentor in Meiman

Chapter 3091

Schiller analyzed Reed's situation very carefully. Some of the scenes he mentioned that Reed might encounter in his daily life made Reed more convinced that he could read minds, because he had indeed encountered these situations more than once.

Reed also told Schiller about his mental journey. Because he had a high IQ and did not have any pathological mental illness, his description was very accurate.

Reed's appearance was actually good. He was not as good as those famous handsome guys in Marvel, but he could also make up the second echelon. He was tall enough, 1.86 meters tall. His figure was not very strong, but he was well-proportioned. He looked handsome.

But according to him, he was not popular when he was a student, and even suffered school bullying. Of course, those who wanted to bully him were dealt with by him before they could do anything.

But even so, he often encountered cold violence, that is, he was isolated by students and was like a transparent person in the class. No one talked to him.

The most amazing thing is that his grades are so good, he gets A in all subjects every year, he doesn't smoke, drink, fight, or get into trouble, and he doesn't even talk about love, but no teacher likes him.

Not to mention his popularity with the opposite sex. He didn't have to wait until now to fall in love, but many girls were very interested in him at the beginning, and even took the initiative to pursue him, but for some reason, they left soon, and some even turned against each other, making his reputation worse.

At first, Reed thought it must be because he was a genius, and this group of ordinary people were jealous of him, so they united to exclude him. How can a sparrow know the ambition of a swan?

But after entering college, he found that it seemed wrong. There are actually many geniuses in the world. At that time, Reed was still in the process of learning, and he didn't know which echelon he was in. When he came into contact with some new things, he would find that there were people who were better than him. He thought that he should have found a soulmate at this time, right?

But no, his classmates in the same lab didn't like him either, the teacher only maintained superficial politeness, those respected professors affirmed his research results, but they seemed to always avoid him, and when he wanted to ask for advice, everyone got sick.

During this period, Reed began to feel confused, was he born with a bad luck? Why did everyone dislike him?

Fortunately, he was a genuine genius, and even if others didn't like him, they had to admit his talent, cooperate with him, and recommend him, so he didn't doubt himself and develop any mental illness.

For Reed, the world was a huge public affair, and everyone maintained a superficial attitude towards him based on colleagues. As long as they mentioned personal relationships, no one would not shake their heads.

Reed was so smart that he knew something was wrong. He also went to see a psychologist, but he didn't see any disease. Some doctors also pointed out tactfully that there might be something wrong with his way of dealing with people.

This is not a victim-blaming theory. The main reason is that if everyone he has met since childhood has this attitude, it is unlikely that they have colluded. It is more likely that the problem lies with Reed himself.

Because he has never had any close friends and no one has been open with him, he has never been able to figure out the tricks, but he has gotten used to it over time.

His academic achievements are unmatched, and he feels a bit lonely at the top, so he is not in urgent need of interpersonal communication, because he lives well without socializing.

But this time is different. He likes a girl, of course he has to take the initiative to interact with her, but the previous painful experiences have made him not very confident. He is afraid that Susan will be like those female classmates in his middle school. They are fine when they are not familiar with him at the beginning of the school, but they start to alienate him after a while.

Although Reed also showed his goodwill to Susan, he did not dare to get too close. He could see that Susan was also interested in him, but Susan did not take the initiative to approach him. The two have been deadlocked for a while.

When Schiller asked what Susan needed most, Reed had actually realized the problem, but he didn't expect that all the tragedies in his interpersonal relationships actually originated from the word "responsibility".

Serious illnesses require strong medicine. In order to make Reed cooperate with the treatment, Schiller simulated what would happen if the two of them really dated or even got married.

Reed was very interested in this, and he often fantasized about getting married with Susan. He didn't even eat, and stared at Schiller with a sharp eye while holding a straw to drink coconut milk.

"Okay, first question, you two have established a relationship now, and you are going on your first date after falling in love. She asks you for your opinion. What will you say?"

Reed seemed to be immersed in a beautiful fantasy. He cleared his throat and said, "Of course you have the final say, dear."

"Well, I think Ms. Susan is very cautious about her relationship, so for the first date after establishing a relationship, she chose the more common shopping and watching movies. When she told her choice, what would you say?"

As soon as the word shopping was mentioned, Reed frowned, but soon he calmed down and said, "Okay, you may be interested in these, let's go."

Schiller stared at him for a long time, and Reed touched his face and said, "Any questions?"

"It's a big problem." Schiller sighed helplessly and said, "What do you mean by 'you may be interested in these'?"

Reed was also a little confused. He said, "That's the literal meaning. I feel like Susan is someone who is very interested in shopping."

"Then you're not interested?"

"Of course not, I don't like shopping at all." Reed spread his hands and said, "I can't distinguish between those messy luxury brands, and the restaurants in shopping malls are not good."

"Then why don't you object directly?"

Reed said doubtfully: "Didn't I tell you everything? She is interested in these things, so we go."

"Then why don't you just affirm her and say, 'What a great idea'?"

"I went with her because she was interested. Actually, I'm not interested in this. I just wanted to tell her the reason why I would go."

"Then why do you just go with her when she asks you for your opinion?"

"Then shouldn't I just follow her?"

"Then why do you disapprove of her?"

"Because I just don't like them."

"Then why do you say just let her do it?"

Reed was a little confused by Schiller. He spread his hands on the table and said: "I like Susan, so I think she can decide where we go next, so I said it's up to her. I'll decide where she goes." I didn’t like it, so I told her, you went because you liked us, what’s the problem?”

"Of course there is a problem. Why are you sitting together to discuss the date location? Because you want to use this date to deepen your relationship with each other. A good date location can make the relationship heat up faster."

"A date place that can quickly heat up your relationship must be one that both of you like and that can keep both of you in a happy mood. With your IQ, can you not understand this?"

After thinking for a while, Reed nodded and said, "Yes, that's indeed the truth."

"In this case, the purpose of your sitting together is to discuss a date location that both of you like. If you don't want to reach a consensus, then there is no need to sit down and communicate, right?"

Reed thought for a moment, then said, "That's true."

"Since the purpose of communication is to reach consensus, then everything you said and did in this communication was extremely bad."

"You first said that the date was up to her. In fact, you were saying that you liked whatever place she chose. But after she chose it, you said that you didn't like the place she chose. Since you really didn't like it, why did you want to go there? How about expressing to her, 'I agree with all your choices' at the beginning?"

Reed touched his temples with his fingers and said, "I just want to make her happy."

"I see, then it seems that the goal of your communication this time is not to reach a consensus, but to make her happy?"

Reed nodded.

"Then your first step was right. You said you fully respect her choice. What you like is what I like. Then why didn't you continue to coax her and continue to agree with her when it came to the second question? Do you have to express that you don’t like it?”

Before Reed could speak, Schiller continued: "Because you think this is the case, but is the goal of this communication to discuss the facts?"

Reed pursed his lips and stopped talking. He had just changed the goal of this communication from reaching a consensus to making Susan happy.

"I may be a little confused," Reed said, "but that doesn't mean I lack responsibility, right? Don't I still plan to go with her?"

"Do you think you accompanied her to a place you didn't like as compensation for your mistakes in the previous sentences?"

"Well, I may not think that's a mistake, but if she's happy, I can accept accompanying her to those luxury stores and then eating in those terrible restaurants."

"So what did you say wrong?"

"I probably wouldn't have realized what I said was wrong at the time, and I don't think Susan would have gotten angry over just a few words."

"Maybe she won't this time, but what if she does one time? What would you do?"

"If she gets angry, I apologize to her," Reed said. "I say, 'I didn't mean to say that, and I'm sorry.'"

"That's pretty much it, what next?"

"Uh, what then?"

"Is this the end?"

"What if?"

Schiller sighed again and said: "You perfectly demonstrated what an insincere apology means."

"Because I think I should have felt very confused at the time and didn't know what she was angry about, but if I apologized to make her not angry, I would do it."

"But it might make her angrier."

"Why?"

"Because you don't understand what she's angry about, but it's your responsibility to understand your girlfriend's emotions as much as possible, don't you think so?"

"What if I really just can't understand it?"

"What if there is a problem in your scientific research project that you cannot overcome?"

Reed thought about it carefully and then said: "I don't think there are any scientific research problems in this world that I can't solve, but if there is such a thing, maybe I will choose to change my thinking and solve it from another angle, or If you continue to study and think deeply, I believe I can understand it.”

"Then why don't you have such confidence in relationships?"

"Because there's so much I don't understand about this."

Schiller realized that Reed had another serious problem: his social confidence was low.

It may be because he has never been successful socially since he was a child. He has no confidence in understanding and empathizing with others, and prefers to choose the simplest solution.

The so-called simplest solution is to use a formula. When others are angry, he says sorry; when others are sad, he says stop crying; when others are depressed, he says be more cheerful; when others are excited, he says calm down.

This formula works well for people with autism or Asperger's, because they essentially cannot understand others, which helps them pretend to be normal people.

But Reed is a normal person. He uses this formula because he feels that he cannot understand others, or that it is useless to understand others. He will still fail in social interaction, which is also a kind of social disorder.

Schiller felt that his problem was serious and difficult to correct using conventional methods. Building social confidence did not happen overnight, but Reed wanted to pursue Susan now.

Schiller paused for a moment, first looked around, and then said rather sneakily: "There are two methods now. One is formal, regular, safe and reliable, but the speed is slower, and the other is the sword. I’m not responsible for its safety, but it can be done quickly. Which one do you want to choose?”

"Of course it's a quickie!"